just me being emotional again
hi its me jenny.. disclaimer: i am so emotional on this blog and i say a lot of personal stuff so if i share this blog with you please keep it a secret. i trust everyone that knows about this blog and i love you all so i guess remember that

I just don’t want to make the wrong decision about my major…

I was gonna take general chemistry semester 2, a bio class and calc 2 next semester but I think I’m gonna drop calc 2 for now and take a folklore and mythology class for GE credit… I’m not sure about bio anymore and I mean I still want to go to medical school but I don’t know anymore I don’t know what I want I just need a break from all of this pressure… I don’t even know if I’ll pass all of my classes and I hate living this way it’s actually ruining me

I have a lot to say but I don’t really know how to put everything I’m feeling into words quite yet. I hope I figure it out soon

Today before lab I was still thinking about what happened with my advisor yesterday and then my bracelet broke and I actually sat down and cried I cried a lot then a girl I didn’t know came in and helped me pick up the beads while I cried some more then I had to go to lab and act like nothing was happening even though I still had like tears in my eyes and it was so embarrassing. I feel better now though after I took a nap and ate some pizza

Mark wants to hang out tomorrow or Thursday I’m so excited

I can’t just get some peace and quiet to cry at my dorm so I come home and there are PEOPLE EVERYTHWERE go home this is my home and I need to cry

I’m always really genuinely happy when I’m with him or talking to him or if I was just with him and no one else has ever made me as happy as he does. I mean at least when things are going good that is. Idk I guess I feel like the good is soooooooo much better than the bad incredibly more so actually and that it’s worth it somehow. Idk I love him and I never want him to leave my life. I’m really happy right now but kind of overwhelmed bc I guess I’m realizing that I never want him out of my life and I don’t want him to leave. Sorry this is so long

I love Mark an i lvoe you

I’m actually a really fucked up person and I don’t like to show it bc I feel like I have no right being this fucked up. Everyone expects a version of me that isn’t so fucked up and I can’t deliver it at all, there’s a lot wrong with me and I don’t know how to get better or verbalize it really

Please hang out with me I’m a big needy baby